


shadows settle on the place that you left

by valkyrierising



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Heavy Angst, Past Character Death, Post 4x03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-12
Updated: 2016-10-12
Packaged: 2018-08-22 02:30:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8269309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valkyrierising/pseuds/valkyrierising
Summary: She was dangerous. Everything around her inevitably died or turned on her; such was her life. The scared orphan she was at St. Agnes in the beginning hadn’t been around for ages; she grew up, got smarter, bluster and feist becoming second nature to her. She carried the scared orphan everywhere though, an unfortunate reminder of her abandonment.





	

**Author's Note:**

> my life is a joke but this episode fucked me up so here we are. title comes from daughter's 'youth.'

“You’re not good people,” Gabe tells her matter of factly, it snaps her out of the funk she was under for the past day. A needed reminder of her situation. That he knew who she was unnerving but how he read her so quickly, brushing her off, reminded her of the true purpose of her exile.

She was dangerous. Everything around her inevitably died or turned on her; such was her life. The scared orphan she was at St. Agnes in the beginning hadn’t been around for ages; she grew up, got smarter, bluster and feist becoming second nature to her. She carried the scared orphan everywhere though, an unfortunate reminder of her abandonment. Jiaying and Ward betraying her after they had accepted her, the knife twisted deeper at the time and ached when she thought about it in retrospect. Triplett and Lincoln and Andrew sacrificing themselves for her; they haunted her dreams and waking hours, the lack of presence as loud as the day she lost both of them. They were hers. SHIELD was hers - and then it wasn’t. The loss a deafening roar that she couldn’t bear, a reminder of the hollowness when Hive was inside her. It was kind of funny actually, that this kid had cut through the bullshit as fast as he did. But most things end and she decided that there was nothing more to her alliance with Robbie. She couldn’t help but feel that Daisy Johnson, SHIELD Agent, was fighting to make sure that Robbie wasn’t alone, but he was doing fine on his own. And he wasn’t all bad as she believed. Casing out Robbie Reyes had turned out to be alright and she decided to heed Gabe’s words to leave.

Gabe fell asleep fast after the power came back on and he’d done his homework. She slipped out in the middle of the night, double checking the lock before closing the door behind her.

Her left arm throbbed with pain, the dull ache in her arm something she was accustomed to. It only felt right that after all the misery and pain she had caused was a constant in her life now. She couldn’t undo the past but she could make sure that it never left her, let her become stagnant and complacent while others did everything they could to protect her. The bus ride was just her and a drunk snoring softly in the back. Her van is back where she left it, unsurprisingly unscathed. The engine turns over once before roaring back to life, smiling to herself before wiping it off. She drives towards an empty lot for the rest of the night, moving to the back to try and catch some rest.

Sleep eludes her but forcing herself into a meditative zen state lets the rest of the exhaustion kicks in. She wakes up shortly after dawn, stretching out the weight of her bones that settled into her overnight. There’s a press conference happening as she turns the radio on, getting breakfast from a truck. She feels a small bit of pride tug at her as the new Director reintroduces SHIELD but shoves the feeling aside. The slight scratch of the pills against her throat bringing her back to reality.

She doesn’t know where else to go, checking on the latest inhuman locations in a journal stashed in the glove compartment. She works from afar, knows that the Watchdogs were going to be lying low after yesterday’s blackout. But she doesn’t know where to begin and the frustration digs into her, her momentary disconnection from the rest Inhumans reconnecting as she thinks the Watchdogs treating them terribly. Despite everything, her heart threatened to burst at the anger and fear they were looked upon with. They weren’t wrong, knowing that there were dangerous ones among her kind but it wasn’t any different than what she dealt with. They weren’t paying attention that the Inhumans wanted to be left alone and the newer ones would be frightened at the changes happening to themselves. It took her a bit to get used to her powers as an extension and not something damaging, but now they were nothing more than tools to get the job done.

She drives around town, getting some more gas before the night time where she would make her way out of the city and go anywhere else.

He finds her unsurprisingly at a diner as she pours over a roadmap, appearing in front of her like a ghost.

“Jesus,” she hisses out in a breath as he slides into the booth. Motioning for the waitress to come over, he orders while she studiously reads the map. Texas could be interesting, but it was a bit of a risky move. Oklahoma? She wasn’t in the mood to be dealing with all the gawking. Las Vegas could work, it was the closest major place they hadn’t checked in the past. He doesn’t say anything as she folds the maps up and into her drawer, quirking an eyebrow.

“So you left,” he begins and she rolls her eyes. First, he couldn’t wait to get rid of her and now he was demanding to know her reasons for leaving? She couldn’t win.

“Had to bounce. You know how it is.” He cuts her a glare and she almost wants to laugh, kind of wants to cry at her own recklessness of forming a connection with the Ghost Rider of all people. “By the way, your brother’s a lot smarter than you give him credit for. Knew who I was and has some idea about what you get up to in your night duties. I didn’t tell him but he’s perceptive.”

He doesn’t say anything besides push a grocery bag in her direction.

“For your hand.” She opens the bag and sees the large container, peering at the label. Heavy stuff that were beyond ibuprofen and she looks at him, sees Robbie as someone with something to lose. Despite the attitude, underneath the hard exterior, he cared and she couldn’t go through with losing another friend (even if he didn’t think of her often, he cared enough about her to track her down, which was equal parts odd and touching). The waitress came by with two plates of food, setting it in front of them before turning towards the end of the diner.

They eat in silence, the pain in her arm nothing more than a really dull ache. It was better when the day was hotter, when the heat was more distraction than the pain when it inevitably went worse. They finish in silence, Robbie looking like he wants to say something while she looks for the way to bolt without feeling guilty. The waitress brings a Coke over to him, a water bottle for her and she tilts her head at him but takes the bottle nevertheless.

It feels like she owes him an explanation, which is stupid, because she doesn’t owe anyone anything besides those that died for her. But he told her about the ghost, and he trusted her enough to bring her home, it had to count for something, didn’t it?

“Did you know,” she begins, feeling her eyes prickle as she recalls the memories. She loathes crying in front of others and the last thing she wants to do is cry in a diner of all places but the weight of everything just fucking slams into her in that moment, she wants to scream. “That my track record with guys is abysmal.”

He doesn’t say anything, drinking the Coke in silence while she tries to finish. The lump in her throat grows, averting her eyes. There’s a napkin in front of her that she grabs, begins to shred while she tries not to blurt out ‘run away I’m literally touched by death.’ But that’s not really something you can throw on someone until there’s been a proper explanation. “The first one was a nazi sympathizer who killed friends of ours. He came back later and brainwashed me. Worst almost boyfriend ever,” she tries to shrug it off but can’t help the empty bitterness that is always constant when she thinks of Ward, the shadow he cast over her. It dissipates as she remembers the next events. “My mentor’s ex-husband died to break me out of brainwashing. Two others died for me. One when I got these abilities.” She waggles the fingers on her fucked up arm. “The other one to prevent me from sacrificing myself after I was brainwashed. It’s what I deserved but he just had to go and be a hero. And I have to live with all of that on me.”

Robbie stays quiet, the absurdity of spilling her guts to him in a diner when they really just wanted to be rid of each other as soon as possible really standing out in the slow afternoon of the diner. She wasn’t sure how she could explain to him that despite good intentions and all, she was a hazard and the people she wanted to protect would suffer.

“So really, it’s better for you if I go,” she finishes. “Thanks for the help and everything.” She says, ready to bolt before he responds.

“If you’re looking for absolution, I can’t give that to you.” She shakes her head, sadness flooding in her. If only it were that simple. If it wasn’t the constant threat of being a danger zone when it came to people she cared about, it was the matter of fact that their jobs were dangerous. Even more so after everything that happened in the past year. Combined with how she was a walking target as the first government use of an Inhuman, it wasn’t a risk she could take. “I won’t break. You and I clearly work well together and you need someone who can watch your back.”

“I know. But you have someone who means something to you.” she responds, gentleness as she recalls Gabe’s protectiveness over his older brother. The wistfulness as she thinks of everyone at home. It’s good that he had someone to remind him of humanity, uncertain as she recalls his words the other day about the ghost being stuck with him for most likely eternity. She hoped he could find peace, if he would be smart enough to hold onto it.

“You do too. If you wanted.” He finishes, leaning his folded hands across the table

“I can’t,” she shakes her head softly, getting up from the both.“Thanks for looking out for me.” She squeezes his fist before leaving. Tossing a ten on the table, she grabs the grocery in her good hand while shoving the road map in.

“You’re not as bad as I thought you were Reyes,” she calls as she’s about to leave the diner. “I hope you find a way to deal with your problem.” The diner door closes quietly, making her way towards the van and tossing the meds onto the passenger seat. She hadn’t been good in a while, the bloodshed in her past running deep but if she could make sure others weren’t giving their lives for her, giving them the way out, then it had to count for something, didn’t it? She lives with that faint comfort as she pulls out of the diner, making her way towards the highway.


End file.
